Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously
would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note
should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the
punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction
to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the
embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't
felt the excitement of listeningto as well as creating music along
with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity
beyond words about these things. For example when we're back stage
and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins.,
it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury,
who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from
the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact
is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to
you or me.
worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking
it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel
as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on
stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it
(and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate
the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of
people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate
things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly
numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all
the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but
I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy
I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply
love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking
sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus
man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I don't have a
goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy... and a daughter
who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and
joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and
will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where
I can barely function.
can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive,
death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and
I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful
towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for
people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and
feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the
pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern
during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby!
I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better
to burn out than to fade away. Peace, love, empathy.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter. Please keep going
Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier
LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
Here to listen to "Kurt Cobain' Suicide Note - Read By Courtney
write something about Kurt?
More on Kurt....