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Rock Spectacle
Words & Music by Steven Page Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night, just to check out the late-night record shop. Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane, but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop. It's a matter of instinct, it's a matter of conditioning, it's a matter of fact. You can call me Pavlov's dog. Ring a bell and I'll salivate. How'd you like that? Dr. Lendy tell me you're not just a pedagogue, cause right now I'm Chorus Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did. So I'm lying here, just starting at the ceiling tiles. and I'm thinking about what to think about. Just listening and relistening to Smiley Smile, and I'm wondering if this is some kind of create drought because I am Chorus And if you want to find me I'll be out in the sandbox, wondering where the hell all the love has gone. Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun, and singing "Fun, Fun, Fun." Chorus I had a dream that I was three hundred pounds and though I was very heavy, I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground Somebody help me because I'm Chorus Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night. Just to check out the late-night record shop. Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane; but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop. Straw Hat and Old Dirty Hank Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson I tend the wheat field that makes your bread. I bind the sweet veal, pluck the hens that make your bed. Mother Nature & Mother Earth Are two of three women who dictate what I'm worth Chorus: I'm the farmer. I work in the fields all day. Don't mean to alarm her, But I know it was meant to be this way. You cried a tear, I wiped it dry I put you up upon a pedestal so high if you should waiver, if you should sway I'd catch you, spread my tiny wings and fly away. You signed your picture with an O and X I bet you don't write "love" each time you sign your cheques. Chorus All of this corn I grow I grow it all for you I took a hatchet to the radio I did it all for you You could have written back, You could have said "Thank you" I guess you've got better things, better things to do. You say you love me, is that the truth? Although they've heard the songs, my friends want living proof. I know your address, I ring the bell I bring you flowers and a .22 with shells. I'm the farmer I work in the fields all day Never wanted to harm her But I know it was meant to be this way. Break Your Heart Words & Music by Steven Page The bravest thing I've ever done Was to run away and hide But not this time, not this time And the weakest thing I've ever done Was to stay right by your side Just like this time, and every time I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart. I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on But I didn't mean to break your heart. And if I always seem distracted Like my minds somewhere else, That's because it's true, yes it's true it's this stupid pride that makes me feel Like I have to follow through Even half-assedly, loving you Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice? When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start Why must I always tell you all I want is this? I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart And you said; "What'd you think that I was gonna do, Curl up and die just because of you? I'm not that weak, you know What'd you think that I was gonna do, Try to make you love me as much as I love you? how could you be so low? You arrogant man, What do you think that I am? My heart will be fine Just stop wasting my time" And now I know that you will be okay, and that I got what I want and that's rid of you Good bye And it's not cause I'll be missing you That makes me fall apart it's just that I didn't mean to break No I didn't mean to break No I didn't mean to break Your heart Jane Words & Music by Steven Duffy & Steven Page The girl works at the store sweet Jane St. Clair Was dazzled by her smile while I shopped there it wasn't long before I lived with her I sang her songs while she dyed her hair Chorus: Jane, divided, but I can't decide what side I'm on Jane decided only cowards stay, while traitors run Jane, Jane I'd bring her gold and frankincense and myrrh She thought that I was making fun of her She made me feel I was fourteen again That's why she thinks it's cooler if we'd just stay friends Jane doesn't think a man could ever be faithful Jane isn't giving me a chance to be shameful Jane, Jane I wrote a letter, she should have got it yesterday That life could be better by being together is what I cannot explain to Jane The girl works at the store, sweet Jane St. Clair Was dazzled by her smile while I shoplift there No promises as vague as Heaven No Juliana next to my Evan Jane, desired by the people at the school and work Jane is tired, 'cause every man becomes a lovesick jerk Jane, Jane When I Fall Words by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Music by Ed Robertson I look straight in the window, try not to look below Pretend I'm not up here, try counting sheep But the sheep seem to shower off this office tower Nine-point-eight straight down I can't stop my knees. Chorus: I wish I could fly From this building, from this wall And if I should try, would you catch me if I fall? My hands clench the squeegee, my secular rosary Hang on to your wallet, hang on to your rings Can't look below me, or something might throw me Curse at the windstorms that October brings. I look in the boardroom; a modern pharaoh's tomb I'd gladly swap places, if they care to dive They're lined up at the window, peer down into limbo They're frightened of jumping, in case they survive. I wish I could step from this scaffold onto soft green pastures, shopping malls, or bed With my family and my pastor and my grandfather who's Dead Look straight in the mirror, watch it come clearer I look like a painter, behind all the grease But paintings creating, and I'm just erasing A crystal-clear canvas is my masterpiece Chorus Hello City Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Hello city ... Another night at the Palace 'cause there is nothing else to do. The same people, the same drinks and the same music, the same quicksand. I think this harbour town is waist deep and sinking fast. Chorus Hello city, you've found an enemy in me. Hello city, hello city. Second night at the Warehouse, and my mock turtleneck just reeks. From the liquor room to the changeroom, to the doom and gloom of the hotel room. I wish this seaside beerhall would sink into the bay. Chorus Maybe I caught you at a bad time. Maybe I should call you back next week. Maybe half the fault was mine that the sun didn't shine on Barrington Street. It's three o'clock in the morning, and I'm hungry so let's eat. Climb down three flights to the streetlights, and the bar-fights, we're just taking in the sights. I hope tomorrow that I wake up in my own bed. Chorus What a good place to be.. Don't believe them,'cause they speak a different language and it's never been happy for me. It's Happy Hour again. Hello city..Hello city.. What A Good Boy Words by Steven Page Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson When I was born, they looked at me and said, "What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy." And when you were born, they looked at you and said, "What a good girl, what a what a smart girl, what a pretty girl." We've got these chains that hang around our necks people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath. Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same, when temptation calls, we just look away. Chorus This name is the hairshirt I wear and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair. This song is the cross that I bear, bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me, be with me tonight, I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight. I go to school, I write exams, if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out, does anyone give a damn? And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me to show my life ain't over yet. I wake up scared, I wake up strange. I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change. I wake up scared, I wake up strange and everything around me stays the same. Chorus I couldn't tell you that I was wrong, chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song. I couldn't tell you that you were right, so instead I looked in the mirror, watched TV, laid away all night. We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks, people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath. Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ... Chorus When I was born, they looked at me and said; "What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy." And when you were born, they looked at you and said; "What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey" The Old Apartment Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Broke into the old apartment This is where we used to live Broken glass, broke and hungry broken hearts and broken bones This is where we used to live Why did you paint the walls? Why did you clean the floor? Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door? This is where we used to live Why did you keep the mousetrap? Why did you keep the dishrack? these things used to be mine I guess they still are, I want them back Broke into the old apartment Forty-two stairs from the street Crooked landing, crooked landlord Narrow laneway filled with crooks. This is where we used to live. Why did they pave the lawn? why did they change the locks? Why did I have to break it, I only came here to talk This is where we used to live How is the neighbor downstairs? How is her temper this year? I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun I know we don't live here anymore We bought an old house on the Danforth She loves me and her body keeps me warm I'm happy here But this is where we used to live Broke into the old apartment Tore the phone out of the wall Only memories, fading memories Blending into dull tableaux I want them back I want them back Life, in A Nutshell Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson When she was three Her barbies always did it on the first date Now she's with me, There's never any need for them to demonstrate She's like a baby, I'm like a cat; When we are happy, we both get fat and still it's never enough, it's never enough, it's never enough Chorus: But I don't tend to worry about the things that other people say, And I'm learning that I wouldn't want it any other way Call me crazy, but it really doesn't matter All that matters to me is she Her life, in a nutshell No way would she want it to change me it's not that easy 'cause My time is often decided for me For me She memorized every pencil crayon colour in the box Her blue-green eyes complement the burn sienna in her locks She's at the movies, I'm on the phone; When we're separated, we're never alone, but still it's never enough, it's never enough, No it's never enough Chorus I fell down With no one there to catch me from falling Then she came 'round And only her tenderness stopped me from bawling my eyes out I'm OK And that's why Her life, in a nutshell ... These Apples Words & Music by Ed Robertson A friend brought me flowers, she said they were lilacs But I've never been good with plants Her next presentation, a new dictionary She'd circled the word "romance" So enthusiastic, a little bit drastic I shaved her name in my head And as she beheld it, she said I misspelled it; Need more be said! Chorus: These apples are delicious! "As a matter of fact they are," she said Can all this fruit be free? She wrote me a letter as big as a phonebook I've never been big on mail I sent her a postcard from somewhere near Lethebridge And wondered if it still went by rail I've never been frightened of being enlightened But some things can go too far Though sometimes I stammer and mix up my grammar, You get what my meanings are Chorus I'm not trying to sing a love song -- I'm trying to sing in tune. I know I am sometimes headstrong Falling love, catching fire -- I want to be consumed Wondering will I ever tire, will I ever tire! Chorus If I Had $1000000 Words and Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you furniture for your house (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love. If I Had $1000000 I'd build a tree fort in our yard. If I Had $1000000 You could help, it wouldn't be that hard. If I Had $1000000 Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there. [Wouldn't that be fabulous] If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to walk to the store If I Had $1000000 We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner. (But we would!) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?!) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 I'd be rich.
2000
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