First record you can remember?
Noel: "Ticket To Ride" by The Beatles. I wasn't really analysing music then so I don't know why I liked it. I suppose the first record I really liked was "Anarchy In The UK" by the Sex Pistols because it was angry and loud.
Liam: Peters & Lee - "It Was You Who Tripped Me Up". You c***.
Song that reminds you of school?
Noel: "Going Underground" by The Jam. I've got good memories of school because I f*****g hated it and everyone else who was in our class. And the teachers. But there was one dinner lady who was a fine lady and that was our Mam. But I was glad that I left the year he [Liam] joined.
Liam: 'Hey Teacher Leave Those Kids Alone'. Before i get me dad in to sort you out! (He means "Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2)" by Pink Floyd, of course - Ed)
Song you fell in love to?
Noel: Erm, not sure about that...
Liam: Right, well her's my one. (Picks up tape and shouts into the mic) WHICH ONE? THERE WERE SO F*****G MANY!!! He can't say that, I can now. (NME should point out that this interview was conducted while Liam and Patsy were estranged.)
Noel: You'll f*****g regret that. Me, I wouldn't like to say. Probably something shit like...
Liam: Leave it, leave it at that.
Noel: ..."The Bitterest Pill" by The Jam.
Liam: He's taking the piss out of me now!
Noel: I'm not.
Liam: Yer are, you cheeky bastard! I know! I know! (picks up mic) 'The Morning After...Pill'.
Noel: "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" by Monty Python.
Liam: "Perfect Day" by whatshisname, Lou Reed.
Noel: "Ticket To Ride" is a pretty good heartbreak tune, innit?
Liam: What's he mean by heartbreak tune?
Noel: A record that reminds you of feeling sad when a bird's leaving you.
Liam: Aaaaaaah...it's a 'Perfect Day'. D'yer geddit kids? Anyone fancy a pint?
Noel: You're gonna pay for that when this comes out.
Liam: No I won't, no I won't, no I won't, no I won't.
Noel: F*****g will!
Liam: F*****g won't, mate. It's a 'Perfect Day', what can I say? That's me heartbreak record.
Song that evokes the greatest summer of your life?
Liam: Dodgy - "Going Out For The Summer" (sic)
Noel: Is it f***! Don't say that! He didn't mean that.
Liam: (Tries to throw the tape player into adjacent fish tank) Ginger-haired c***! (Stops) What, a perfect summer? "She Bangs The Drums" by The Stone Roses.
Noel: I'd go along with that, definitely.
Liam: That whole album. Best summer ever. Mad for it. Ask me the next one, yer c***.
Anthem for a night on the tiles?
Noel: You've not heard it yet. It's one of our new ones, you wait.
Liam: Yeah, leave it at that. We're out of season now, man.
Noel: Yeah, one of our new ones...
Liam: Leave it at that!!!
Noel: OK. It's not my band.
Liam: Whose band is it?
Noel: You band.
Liam: Did you hear that?! It's my band!! It's my band!! Are you recording this, Mister Journalist? It's my band!
Noel: It's your band.
Liam: Hang on a minute...It's not my band now we're shit and nobody likes us! It was my band when we were popular! You sneaky bastard! (Aims kick at Noel's arse)
Record that inspired you to form a band?
Noel: The Stone Roses' first album.
Liam: One of his.
Noel: You were in the band befor me, you daft c***!
Liam: Alright, alright. But it was still one of your songs that made us start the band.
Noel: Oh, yeah, so it is my band after all.
Liam: Right. "When The Levee Breaks" by Led Zeppelin.
Noel: Also, "The Queen Is Dead" by The Smiths.
Liam: PistolsRosespunkspunknewwave. Music
Record guaranteed to clear the tourbus?
Noel: Any of Bonehead's, Cocteau Twins, The Sugarcubes, The Stranglers, A Flock Of Seagulls, Classix Nouveaux, Split Enz, Kajagoogoo...
Liam: I'm going to be a right hard bastard now and say anything by f*****g fat-arsed Williams. You can quote me on that! (Wheels away boxing the air) WHO WANTS IT?!!
Noel: Tubby-arsed Williams.
Liam: Tubby-arsed Williams. And quote me on that, right? That's from me, not him. Anything by Robbie f*****g Williams. Alright?
Noel: Not that we've ever played anything by him on the bus.
Liam: No f*****g way! But if they played it I'd f*****g run off. I'd rather walk. I'd rather be in the f*****g trailer. I'd rather trail the f*****g trailer!
Midnight on New Year's Eve. What's on the hi-fi?
Noel: Not "Millenium" by Robbie Williams. Er, probably one of ours. Probably that one we can't tell you about.
Liam: I'll be playing myself. Or the glockenspiel.
What would you like played at your funeral?
Noel: "Going Underground" by The Jam.
Liam: "Natural Mystic" by Bob Marley. (Grabs NME by the groin, kisses NME on the cheek and stomps off.)