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        Off Topic Board >> Creativity Forum >> My song & poem...
        
(Message started by: yrtigress2 on Mar 2^nd, 2007, 8:51am)

Title: My song & poem...
Post by yrtigress2 on Mar 2^nd, 2007, 8:51am

Ok.... I really want your HONEST opinions on these:

MY POEM

NOT ENOUGH

Everyday I wish I could do all I have to do,
All I want to do
But there�s not enough time.
There are not enough hours in the day,
Day�s go by and life just passes away,
We wake up and say: Not Enough.
I looked around and everything was gone.
Where did it go?
Life happened before we knew it.

MY SONG: IN MY EYE�S

I had a problem,
A problem I couldn�t fix.

I was headed for destruction,
In this place I call my life.

I�d dreamt of becoming famous,
Where I couldn�t walk down the street.

Now I�m there and lonely,
And hoping for a change.

Temptation is around me and sometimes I can�t see,
The light in the tunnel or things in front of me.

**CHORUS
Cuz in my eye�s I see the past,
A place I don�t wanna be.
And in my eye�s I see you there,
You are right in front of me.
And in my eye�s I see you standing there,
Calling out to me.

I�m drowning myself in the bottle,
So I don�t have to feel.

The pain, the hurt this disappointment the hell I�m going through.

I wake up and you�re not there, why?

What do I need to do?
Who do I need to be?

Everything�s slipping away,
As slow as it can be.

Together we can do anything,
But alone it�s only me.

**CHORUS

The shadows are my nightmare,
And I don�t wanna sleep.

I dreamt of being famous,
Someone everyone could see.

Everyone looks up, up, up to me.
I�ve come to the realization this ain�t all it�s cracked up to be.

I�m on the road to recovery,
As bumpy as that can be.

I don�t get to see you as often as I�d like,

I�m every woman�s fantasy,
But I just want a wife.

Someone to come home to,
And talk about our life.

**CHORUS

Your love is like heaven with all the angels singing.
I thank god everyday for bringing you to me.

I�m changing, changing for the best.
Will you give me a chance?

My song was inspired by Johnny. I was writing it thru his eyes. I am not very creative so when something comes to me I have to write it down. Hope ya like them.

Title: Re: My song & poem...
Post by tkc1989 on Mar 13^th, 2007, 8:53am

Hey I thought those were really good! I especially liked the poem, just seems like something everyone can easily relate to :)

And the song is really cool too (and very long!) I really liked this part:

Everything�s slipping away,
As slow as it can be.

Together we can do anything,
But alone it�s only me.

I'm not sure why, but it's catchy and memorable, i like it ;D

I'm just about to post my new song 'Little Black Clouds'...it has a short recording of it too, so if you have the chance let me know what you think! :)

Title: Re: My song & poem...
Post by yrtigress2 on Mar 17^th, 2007, 4:57pm

Cool thanks for the kind words. I will check it out.