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Topic: My Song (I wrote it) Feedback? (Read 501 times) |
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sympathy_0
Goo God
Never you mind.
 
Posts: 2029
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My Song (I wrote it) Feedback?
« on: Sep 13th, 2006, 6:19pm » |
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I wrote MOST of it but my friend helped a bit. She wrote the music. here it is.
1st verse
I miss it much more than you think
Everynight i wish for you here in my arms
The pain of loosing you sinking through
I need you to look at me once more
tell me who the hell was i before i met you
Chorus
You left me here alone
You left me here to die
Without you in this hell they call world
You still don't kiss me
You still don't need me
You still don't see me for me
Please
2nd verse
The feeling of your breath on my skin
The feeling of your fingertips runing down my spine
Your lips on mine
The aura of your kiss
The smile of your lips
Holding me closely
I can feel you breathing
Can you hear me
Chorus
You left me here alone
You left me here to die
Without you in this hell they call world
You still don't kiss me
You still don't need me
You still don't see me for me
Please
Bridge
Look at me
Tell me what you see
I need to know what you want
And what you need
Because Im Disconnected
From all these moonstruck emotions
Tell Me Why
Chorus
You left me here alone
You left me here to die
Without you in this hell they call world
You still don't kiss me
You still don't need me
You still don't see me for me
Please
Please, tell me
***** SHOULD I MAKE THE BRIDGE THE CHORUS AND THE CHORUS THE BRIDGE?********
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sympathy_0
Goo God
Never you mind.
Posts: 2029
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Re: My Song (I wrote it) Feedback?
« Reply #1 on: Sep 15th, 2006, 3:34pm » |
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Please, feedback would be apprediated.
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carlyn
Goo God
You drown in deeper oceans Inventing new religions
Gender: 
Posts: 633
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Re: My Song (I wrote it) Feedback?
« Reply #2 on: Sep 15th, 2006, 3:54pm » |
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I think it is really good! And I think the chorus and the bridge are fine how they are. You shouldn't change them, in my opinion, but I don't know how they sound with the music.
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