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Gutterflower
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Pointless Vent
« on: Jul 7th, 2006, 5:35am » |
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I seriously cannot take this anymore! My hair is falling out, my teeth... uh ew, my hands are shaking all the time, I'm always cold & tired, I get dizzy spells whenever I stand up, & I constantly fear that I'm going to die at 14 years old.
There's always just one thing on my mind: FOOD! It's been that way for about three years now. Sometimes I really DO want help, but then I just look at myself & plan another fast. At times, I want/try to eat like a "normal" person does, but whenever I open the fridge, all I hear is "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels, Stephanie! Food will make you fatter than you already are. Close the fridge & go jog, fatass!"
Sometimes I can "control" it, but other days, I am more "out of control" & eat enough to feed everybody in Ethiopia! & some days, I just break down & cry for three hours straight. It's gotten to the point where the hunger pains are quite normal to me.
I'd rather have this post here, than floating around on MySpace for my friends to see. I don't want people to "feel sorry for me" or tell me "to just eat something".
Ugh, I'll be in a better mood once I've gotten some sleep.
And yes, I am aware that this is a personal post.
<33
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| « Last Edit: Jul 7th, 2006, 5:51am by Gutterflower » |
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Shannon
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Re: Pointless Vent
« Reply #1 on: Jul 7th, 2006, 9:38am » |
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Have you had any treatment for this? Or addressed the underlying issues? I won't tell you to eat because you're right ... it is pointless. But at the age of 14 if you don't seek help soon you will do irrevocable harm to your body ... which I'm sure you know.
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DWG
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Hey, it's not a pointless vent...it's really important.
I wish I could say I understand, and have a solution to your dilemma, but I've never experienced what you're going through. We care though, and hope you can find the courage to seek professional help somehow. Your life is worth it.
It's tough enough trying to find the answers when you're an adult, but I can only imagine how much more confusing it is when you're only 14.
Your youth is probably keeping you going, under all this stress that's going on in your body and mind right now. As you get older you might find it rougher to recover from such things. I wish I had some real answers for you, but what I hope is that you can find someone who knows about what you're going through and can help you. Don't try to figure it all out by yourself.
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| « Last Edit: Jul 7th, 2006, 1:07pm by Dances_with_Goo » |
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Gutterflower
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Re: Pointless Vent
« Reply #3 on: Jul 7th, 2006, 9:20pm » |
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on Jul 7th, 2006, 9:38am, Shannon wrote:| Have you had any treatment for this? Or addressed the underlying issues? |
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In the beginnig of 7th grade, the guidence counselor somehow found out about it & the cutting, so of course, she called my parents. I lived with my dad at the time, so he made me go to a shrink. All she said to me was "So, tell me about suicide, Stephanie." I hadn't even thought about killing myself before that. I went to her twice. After the 2nd time, my dad thought that I was "cured" & just made me go to a home daycare everyday after school. It all got worse. So no, I have not gotten any treatment.
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Christina
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Re: Pointless Vent
« Reply #4 on: Jul 7th, 2006, 10:26pm » |
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I haven't had either of those problems personally, but two or three very good friends of mine have dealt with one or the other, so it does kinda hit home for me. Really the biggest thing that has helped any of them (to varying degrees) was going for professional help and even just having close friends to talk to about it. Hell, my best friend partially credits me for saving her from suicide, purely because I actually listened when she tried to talk about it, instead of freaking out like everyone else did. Getting the courage to tell people that you're still struggling is one of the hardest things you could do at this point, but it's far from a pointless effort.
It doesn't sound like your shrink was doing all that great of a job... but don't give up there and expect to be able to solve the problem yourself. Search for another therapist; explain to your parents that this ISN'T something that can just go away and heal itself in a few days or weeks or appointments. It's not a phase that's just going to go away; it's a disease that needs taking care of, just like any other illness would.
Wish I could offer some slightly more personal advice, but that's pretty much all I've got. Best of luck to you with everything (and if you ever need to vent, know that at least us boardies are here for you.) <3
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Christian
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Re: Pointless Vent
« Reply #5 on: Jul 8th, 2006, 2:25am » |
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The right treatment is very hard to find. My mother sent me to a shrink when I was about 16 because she found the cuts on my wrists. Now everyone is under the impression that I'm ok, just a bit odd. I was labeled as having BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) and put on Effexor, which I've been taking on and off for the past 5 years now. It's supposed to make me normal I guess. Stop the depression, anxiety attacks, self-abuse, fasting-binging-purging, etc. It doesn't exactly work. They think it has, I've just grown better at hiding it. If you really want to get better, you're going to have to be completely honest with the people in your life. I haven't been and that's why I'm still having these problems at 21.
"Self-mutilation is a very different issue to suicide. It is a controlled pain personal to you, allowing you to live/exist to some degree." - Richey James Edwards
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| « Last Edit: Jul 8th, 2006, 2:32am by Christian » |
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Gutterflower
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Re: Pointless Vent
« Reply #6 on: Jul 8th, 2006, 10:58pm » |
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I'd suck if I was in recovery! I would be a total bitch to everybody!
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Christian
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Re: Pointless Vent
« Reply #7 on: Jul 9th, 2006, 3:21pm » |
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Trust me, the staff in a recovery facility are more than equiped to deal with whatever you can throw at them.
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Christina
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Re: Pointless Vent
« Reply #8 on: Jul 13th, 2006, 12:29am » |
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^ What he said.
It's totally understandable that it'd make you irritated -- seriously, I don't think anybody could just go into recovery and NOT be bitchy about the whole ordeal. But would you rather be a bitch to some total strangers that are trained to deal with problems way worse than yours; or be a bitch/lie to your friends or family instead?
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"i have never wanted something so badly as having people just show up at ggd concerts dressed as presidential fruit"
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